Hi Friends,

If you're like me, you've known about Nepo-Babies (literally, the children of Nepotism) for a long time. So, I was very entertained by the online discourse that unfolded after New York Magazine wrote a viral article deep-diving into this issue, complete with maps and visuals. Turns out, a bunch of people did not know that many of their acting faves come from well-connected families.

Nepo-Babies are everywhere. You have your “classic nepo babies” whose parents are already famous, “industry babies” whose parents worked in the entertainment industry and had connections, and your run-of-the-mill "billionaire rich kids" who come from families that have the resources to support them as they pursue their dreams.

And it's not just in Hollywood. For example, in Ireland, it was reported that the children of doctors disproportionately fill places in med schools. Getting professional opportunities through connections is nothing new.

I've been giggling at the Onion's TED talk parody, "Land the Perfect Job by having your Rich Dad Set You Up" since it was published in 2014.

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Let's unpack why Nepo-Babies are upsetting.

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Why do Nepo-Babies Trigger such a Public Outcry?

The existence of Nepo-babies challenges our society's deeply held beliefs about merit, the cornerstone of the American Dream and an integral part of how we evaluate each other's success.

For the Nepo-Babies, it means facing the fact that they owe their success to family connections. And this stings. Unsurprisingly, Nepo-Babies don't want to accept this. Just check out these reactions below:

• In a recent interview Lily-Rose Depp, daughter of Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis, insisted that she got her Chanel modeling contract based solely on her own talent. (Depp met Karl Lagerfeld when she was 10, her mother has been working with the fashion house for years).
• Jack Quaid, son of Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid, apparently turned down the opportunity to work with his parents' agents because he "wanted to do it on his own". (Lol,ok.)
• Maya Hawke, daughter of Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke, claims hard work is the key to her success not her family name.
• New York Times film critic Lena Wilson posted a (now deleted) Tiktok insisting the reason she was hired was because of her "extraordinary talent" without mentioning the fact that her father, Mike Wilson, was an editor at the paper himself.

For The Rest of Us, it means grappling with the uncomfortable idea that hard work isn't always enough. Many people who work hard won't get the same opportunities due to a lack of connections, education, healthcare services and economic opportunities.

We don't want to hear it but some people won't ever "make it," regardless of their worth ethic. That's a hard truth for a society that is invested in the idea of individualistic economic self-determinism.

We'd prefer to think that our success is based solely on our own blood, sweat, and tears and not a host of systemic issues that need to be addressed by societies as a whole. (And not to mention serendipity and luck.)

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Is Merit a Good Thing?

My first read of 2023 was the Tyranny of Merit by Michael Sendel. The book argues that tying success and social mobility on individual merit rather than other factors (wealth, connections, sex) reinforces systems of oppression because it implies that people who are disadvantaged or marginalized are not as deserving of help, compassion, or resources as those who are more privileged.

Mendel believes that we cannot have a just society without deconstructing the systemic barriers that prevent many individuals from economic mobility.

In particular, I enjoyed his take on the psychological impact of meritocracy on us as individuals. Culturally, we judge people who don't succeed harshly, assuming they lacked motivation or work ethic. In today's complex world people struggle with feelings of inadequacy, hopelessness, and not feeling good enough because they are unable to overcome systemic barriers such as a lack of access to healthcare, educational resources, economic opportunities etc. They end up blaming themselves for not working "hard enough."

After all, if you're not succeeding you should just wake up earlier like Bill Gates and soon you'll be a billionaire too, right?

Sendel says we must rethink the way society measures success. Instead of solely focusing on individual achievement, we should also consider the impact that individuals have on their communities and society as a whole. By doing so, we can create a more holistic and fair definition of success, one that takes into account the contributions of all individuals regardless of their background or resources.

Five Key Takeaways From the Book:

1. Meritocracy is flawed: The book argues that the belief in meritocracy, or the idea that success is based solely on merit, is misguided and perpetuates social inequality. It ignores the role that structural and systemic barriers play in preventing many individuals from achieving success, regardless of their merit.
2. The American Dream is misleading: The book critiques the notion of the "American Dream" that posits that anyone can achieve success through hard work and determination. It argues that this belief is misleading and ignores the reality of the many obstacles that prevent individuals from achieving success, regardless of their effort.
3. Meritocracy has negative consequences: The book examines the negative consequences of meritocracy, such as feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness for those who struggle to achieve success, and how it perpetuates social inequality and discrimination.
4. Success should be redefined: The book suggests that instead of solely focusing on individual achievement, we should also consider the impact that individuals have on their communities and society as a whole, creating a more holistic and fair definition of success.
5. We need a more equitable society: The book calls for a more equitable society where everyone has a fair shot at success, regardless of their background or resources. It argues that addressing structural and systemic barriers is crucial for achieving a more just and fair society.

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The Myth of Being Self-Made

Remember when Forbes Magazine put Kylie Jenner on their cover claiming she was a "self-made" billionaire? Yes, the daughter of former-olympian Caitlyn Jenner and multi-millionaire Kris Jenner and sister of sex-tape participant, turned reality star, turned business mogul Kim Kardashian definitely didn't have any advantages when pursuing her own professional ambitions.

And yet, our society continues to idolize the narrative of being self-made because we've turned productivity into a measure of self-worth and everybody wants to be worthy.

Here's the truth: Nepo-Babies cannot help who their parents are and I don't begrudge them their opportunities because I would 100% be taking advantage of it too. I also understand that it must be frustrating to want to pursue a goal and have your efforts discounted based on your family name.

What I would like to see is more of them admitting that they are the beneficiaries of incredible privilege. Sure, Kylie works long hours but so do the 44% of Americans that work a side hustle to make ends meet. ​

Gratitude and humility would go a long way. For example, Nepo-Baby Allison Williams (daughter of news anchor Brian Williams) had this to say about her acting success:

Compare that to Kate Hudson (daughter of Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell) who said "I don't care where you come from, or what your relationship to the business is - if you work hard and you kill it, it doesn't matter." (lol, ok.)

Maybe working hard at developing your craft is easier when you don't have to worry about paying rent, working multiple part time jobs, and you have access to industry connections, private acting classes, and the cachet of your last name?

If you're interested in deep-diving further into the historical roots of our obsession with being self-made, I devote an entire chapter to this subject in Hustle & Float .

Nepo Babies in the News:

• The New York Times calls nepo-baby Jenna Bush Hager a "publishing kingmaker." ​
• Twitter debates privilege when Timothee Chalamet's agent revealed the actor hasn't had to audition for a role in 7 years.
• Insider published a piece on Michael Dell's kids (hilariously calls them Nepo-babies directly).